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Callin' Collin: Punch Him in the Booty/Transcript
Mallory: I'm Collin. I'm eleven. I wrote an advice column for my school and it must have been good, because now I have a podcast, and the rest is history, as they say and such. You're watching Callin' Collin. Whitney: Hi Collin, first time caller, long time listener. Mallory: Cool. Whitney: I just need some advice. My boyfriends has been acting really odd lately, and I suspect he might be cheating on me. Mallory: Okay. Whitney: So what should I do? Do I confront him about that, or could it all be in my head? Mallory: Okay, caller, what was your name? Whitney: Tiffany. Mallory: Tiff-Tiff, have you considered just punching him in the booty? They won't let me say "butt". Man 1: Collin! Mallory: I didn't! Have you... have you tried it? Whitney: Well, no, I hadn't thought of that. Mallory: See, I think you have a lot more options than just talking about it. Case in point, just giving him a little punch in the... in the booty. Letting him know how it is you feel. Whitney: I'm not sure how that will go over. Mallory: Tiff-Tiff, you never know until you try. My b-ball coach says "you miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take", and I would know, because I'm mostly on the bench. And they... they put me in once, but I shot, and it went over the hoop into the crowd. So you got to take the shot, you know? Whitney: And in my case, by "shots", you mean... Mallory: Punches to that boot. Okay, cool, bye. Mallory: Next caller on Callin' Collin, how you doing, how you doing? Matt: Hey, Collin. So, my dad left when I was just a baby. He was never there for me when I was a kid, and now I'm 37 and successful, and he called me out of the blue wanting a place to stay. Normally, I'd tell him no, but I found out he's got cancer. What do I do? Mallory: Yeah, my... my rat had cancer. Well, it had worms, so... I get it. I'm going to have to go with my gut on this one, and just say... you got to punch him in the booty. Yeah, it just feels right today. Matt: And then let him stay with me? Mallory: I think you need to listen to your heart, you know? See how you feel after you punch him in the booty. Matt: I'm sorry, is there a reason... Why should I punch his bottom? Mallory: Oh, "bottom" is such a weird mom word. You're gross. Matt: I'm just confused why you punch anyone there. Mallory: You know why. Get him right in the back hams. Matt: What? I don't think- Mallory: Cool, bye! Mallory: And now for a word from our sponsor, Sketcherz! Sketcherz When you have shoes that fit, youre whole life makes sense Mallory: And Axx Body Spray! You can spray it in your Sketcherz Mallory: Next caller on Callin' Collin. How you doing, how you doing? Jason: Collin, my name is Harry. I'm a psychologist. Listen, you have got to stop advising people to punch other people in the rear end. Physical altercations are not a healthy mode of discourse. Mallory: Well, mister, I respectfully disagree. I have never had it not work for me. In fact, I did it to a horse one time, and it kicked my aunt in the head. Jason: That sounds like it didn't work. Mallory: Look, she was my least favorite aunt, so... Jason: Collin, please remember, I'm a professional. Mallory: Yeah, where do you work? Jason: I work at Johnson Mental Health and Wellness. Mallory: Oh yeah, that's right by my school. Jason: Yes, we treat a lot of middle school- Mallory: Excuse me, I have to go see that guy's butt about a punch. Man 1: Collin! Category:Season 8